Shubha Mangal Savadhan !!

Marriages are ‘Made In Heaven’. Is it?

Marriage is a ceremony that brings two people together as one and their blissful journey of married life starts. Teenagers are excited about getting married or especially girls are very excited about being a ‘Dulhania’ and marrying the love of their lives. But once they are married the prospective of marriage takes a 360-degree turn and you land up in a landslide. Many people around me are married, but throughout my life I have not even met a single person who is happy with the marriage. Everyone has some of the other issues. They may be major or minor but they do exist. And 95% of people from the married squad suggests singles to remain single. Even I do the same.

Now if a person is not happy with marriage does not mean their better half or in-laws are problematic. But what my experience says is the whole concept which is been rooted in people’s mind in terms of marriage is problematic. Now if we talk about the concepts then they are many. Like a girl should leave her parent’s house after marriage, she should change her identity, personality and even lifestyle, and there are infinite expectations from a girl when she becomes a ‘bahu’ from a ‘beti’. Even the boys are pressurized by making them realize that their responsibilities have been increased, etc. But trust me all of these concepts are just useless.

Modern-day marriage can be defined as two souls coming together to take an oath that they are willing to start a new journey of life hand in hand with the utmost respect for each other as an individual and will be equal partners in all aspects henceforth. The ‘kasme vade’ during the ‘saath-pheras’ are somewhat similar but what happens next is completely opposite. Marriage is like a weighing scale where the husband and wife need to maintain the balance. But often the burden of marriage is on one side. On the wife’s side or the ‘daughter in law’s’ side.

Now the biggest question is why do people get married?

In the modern-day most people get married because they love each other. In this case, I feel love is not just enough to co-exist after marriage. Love is something that is required for getting married that’s it. And then the real game starts. That does not mean love ends after marriage. Love is like oxygen for the couple but only oxygen can’t help you survive. There are many other components required.

Then some people do arrange marriages. So, I can figure out a few reasons that are popping in my mind at this point of time about why people do arrange marriages. Some of them are they never fell in love, they were not able to confess their love, they broke up with the respective partner, they want to marry as per their parents’ choice, or the family is forcing them to do arrange marriage. And then comes the list of most pathetic reasons. Like ‘Shaddi ki umar ho rahi hai’ ‘budhe ho gaye toh acha Rishta nhi ayega’ ‘log kya kahenge’ ‘acha rishta hai ha boldo hath se chala gaya toh fir nahi ayega’ and so on. Marriage is not a transaction that has any limit or expiry date. One should get married only and only when they feel they are ready for it. Because it’s not about people, age, or even families. It’s majorly about the life of those two people who are getting married.

But in India, whether it be love or arranged marriage those two people who are entering a new phase are given the least importance. Say their choices, their opinions, their preferences do not even matter. What matters is ‘Society’ ‘Age gap’ ‘Family expectation’ ‘Cultures’ and the list goes on.

If we talk about the marriage considering only the husband and wife, it is the most beautiful, amazing, lovely, admirable, and purest relationship. A relationship where only love, respect and dignity matters. But when the surroundings get involved the concept gets tainted. In that situation, love is not enough. Then you need to enter the practical aspects of the relationship.

At present, I would personally suggest every girl and boy to think practically before getting married as there’s nothing wrong in it. Because trust me, love is just not enough to be happy after marriage. You need to know the compatibility of your lifestyles, your thought process, your habits, your future plans, your acceptance abilities, your pros and cons, your goals, your desires and what you want from life individually.

I believe a happy marriage does not exist. A couple must make efforts to make it a happy one. Arguments, fights, issues are there in every relationship and this can’t be changed. Its like the spice of life. But you should deal with a macro vision of marriage maturely so that you can easily deal with the micro version. Marriage is like a maze; it looks greener and attractive when you stand outside but becomes complicated and confusing as you enter it. 

The quote ‘Shadi ke ladoo jo khaye vo bhi pachtaye jo na khaye vo bhi pachataye’ is perfect.

There are many things which can’t be discussed in one go. I would keep sharing my thoughts on the concept of marriage one by one.

At the end I would only say, do get married because it’s an amazing union, but do it with eyes wide open. Because love is blind but life isn’t .