RESPONSIBILITY AND HELP

Responsibility and help are two different terms but usually, people fail to understand it.

Today I am going to specifically talk about husbands helping their wives. ‘Helping’ is that the right word?

There was a time when I used to say I am very lucky to have a husband who helps me with the household chores. But recently I have realized, it’s not help it is their duty to be equally responsible for all the household activities as much as it is of the wife.

When a couple gets married, they are partners. None of them is superior nor inferior. We live in an era where women are capable enough to share financial responsibilities along with their partners. But are men ready to do the same? It was our society who has this belief that men look after finances and women after the household work. But that was long time back, now we have evolved and its high time that each one of us should accept it that men and women both have no boundaries and they can take equal responsibilities of both finances and household work.

Usually what happens is when husband and wife are working. Wife wakes up early completes the household chores and leaves for the job. On the other hand, what husband does is wake up, get ready, have the ready breakfast, pick his lunch box and leave. And when they both return home, what husband does is freshen up and sit ideal. Why? Ohhh because he is so tired, and he has no energy to help his wife? But I cannot proceed further before mentioning that now a days husbands may not have the energy to help their wives, but are fresh enough to sit and play games or watch TV and entertain themselves. That’s an amazing power, isn’t it?

And what does the wife do after coming home? Again, get into the household chores. Now I cannot define household chores because everyone has their own different list of work. Like some may need to cook food while some may have to heat the food prepared in the morning. Then clean the kitchen and prepare for the next day and the list may go on.

That seems so unfair. Both work in the office, are equally stressed and yet, men can rest after coming home while women can’t. Because she has more responsibilities, or we can say she has no helping hand or another option.

When a couple gets married, they mutually discuss how their life would be. Whether both will be working or one of them would prefer to be homemaker. ‘Homemaker’ is a word we all must start practising. Because it’s not necessary that always a wife must be a housewife. Even husbands can be househusbands. Now that’s a whole topic to discuss, which we would in future. So long story short, rather than making it a gender role let’s start addressing the homemaker.

Now even if one of them is a homemaker does not mean that they should be doing the same thing throughout the week. They too deserve a break. I will tell you about one of my family friends. She loved cooking beyond limits and also loved to do the household chores. Hence, she decided to be a homemaker after marriage. They did not even have a maid for her help. She managed to do the whole thing on her own. She never got bored and was happy. You know why? Because every day when her husband came home, he made sure that he would spend time with his wife. She never let her husband do anything after coming back home. But whenever she worked in the kitchen her husband would be with her either helping her or having a conversation. On Sunday he used to wake up early and make breakfast for her. They went for mini trips on weekends, dinner dates and so on. In short, her husband made sure that she is not burdened with household responsibilities.

Sometimes housewives are treated like full-time maid. Such families should understand that she deserves a break. If the husband is working at the office and gets a holiday on weekends to refresh, even wives need the same.

And it’s not only about wives it’s also about our mothers. Our mothers are happy home makers for years. With or without their choice. Most of them also didn’t have any help, not even from their husbands probably because of ‘societal rules’. So, when the kids become adults it’s their responsibility to share their mother’s workload.

Now coming towards couples where both are working. Before starting, let me share this, there are some families which have unwritten rules that daughters-in-law cannot do a job even if she is willing to. Another topic to discuss later. Anyways, talking about the working couples, there are 3 kinds of husbands. Terms like ‘kinds of husbands’ can seem weird, but I wanted to pen down many things, so I am trying to make it as simple as possible.

So, three kinds of husbands, which I could figure out. There can be more too.
1.Who do not help their wives at all/do not take the equal responsibility of household works.
2.Who helps their wives.
3.Who take equal responsibility of household chores.

Now starting with the first one. The irresponsible kind of husbands. I have a sincere question to all those kinds of husband, how can you except that your working wife should share the financial responsibilities but take the full responsibility of household work? Isn’t she a human or is she a superwoman?

• It’s surprising that men who feel that household chore is a woman’s job still exist. I feel not only men but all humans who flourish such thoughts should be handpicked and sent back to the time where such budding thoughts were watered. I have also seen women who do not let the men of the house work as they too believe that it’s a gender-driven role. There are many thoughts I would like to share about such personalities but right now I feel I would only say RIP to such poisonous thoughts in the human mind.
• Then there comes, some men who do not like to do the household chores, so they find an option to sit ideal and let their wives do all of it as if she just loves the household chores. Oh, I am sorry they are not sitting ideal they might be tired after working so hard in the office. Women do what? They go and sit ideal in the office? They don’t get tired, there’s no rush for them while travelling such an easy go life they lead?
• Then some men say I can understand that it is too difficult for you to handle the whole stuff, but I am sorry I really can’t do anything. You know why? Because I never helped my mom, now if I will help you my mom would say, “ If your wife gets tired, I also used to get tired but you never helped me, now your wife came and you started helping her.” SERIOUSLY? I mean you didn’t help your mom that was your fault. But your wife has to bear the consequences of your faults.
• Then comes these unique families who want only their daughters-in-law to do the household chores and their son should not help her even a little bit. You know why? As I said, its a woman’s job. I was surprised when I got to know that there are families who hate seeing their son’s doing household chores.
• And another major reason is their lifestyle. What we see since childhood is what we inherit. Sons see their fathers not helping their mothers and they do the same. Daughters see their mothers doing everything without help and complain and they feel it’s only the women who are meant to do this. Parents should be very careful about what they teach children through their actions.

Time is changing everything rapidly, even our thoughts. It does happen at times that our parents fail to compete with the constantly changing lifestyle. And at a point, it’s not their fault too. There are so busy making out the best for their children that they ignore the fact that the world is changing. But it’s the responsibility of the children to make them understand the new rights and wrongs, the new do’s and don’ts, the new pros and cons of everything. You are a good child of your parent when you respect them and correct them if they go wrong and not when you follow all the unacceptable things blindly just for the sake of respecting them. Parents invest almost all their lives to make you wise, intelligent and a good human. Then if you know that something that they are following is not right, it’s your duty to correct them.

And it is a sincere request to all the husband’s out there, please do not let your wives suffer because of your or your family’s thought process. Because she too is someone’s daughter who has been raised with equal love and affection as you. She also had a lifestyle the way you have, but now she has to do all new things just because she has become your partner. And more importantly, she is an individual who has her own opinions. Do take some time to understand those. If you can’t handle your responsibilities, help her mentally by having some healthy conversations. That’s the least you can do.

Now the second kind of husbands are those who help their wives. Help… Is that a favour you do to your wife? Once, twice or thrice in a blue moon, you would feel that I am in a mood today so I will help you. And what about the rest of those days when your wife has to it all daily irrespective of moods? In fact, doing household chores is not like watching a movie or playing games ki mood hai toh kar liya nahi toh just leave it. Your wife cooks for 6 days you cook for 1 day and you say you are a great husband. Is it? 6 days of cooking just can’t be compared with that one day of cooking.

And then comes the responsible husbands. Who work with their wives hand in hand and accept the responsibilities. The real men you know. I know one of my friend who is a fantastic husband. He gets up with his wife and shares all the household responsibilities. Like one would do the chopping, other would make the meals. One would make the dough, other would make the rotis. One would clean stuff, other would do the laundry. They scheduled such a fantastic routine that both wake up at the same time and sleep at the same time. All their duties were divided.

Once my colleague said that she and her husband have divided the chores on alternate days. Like one day she wakes up early and does everything and the other day, her husband does the same.

It’s very difficult to do all the household chores, go to the office, come back home and again do the chores. And in all this hustle you even don’t get enough of sleep. The whole race is too terrifying. And if a husband understands his role in the union the whole process becomes very easy. If you don’t know how to cook or how to do the household chores start learning. Make an effort at least. No one knows this whole cooking and cleaning process since birth. Everyone learns it, everyone can, and everyone should.

And all those who help their wives can slowly start accepting it as their responsibilities. Start doing the household chores daily as you do your job without any excuses. This won’t only nurture your relationship but also would set a great example for the upcoming generations. No change can be brought without efforts.

 And lastly, I would mention it’s not that all men are the same. There are many wonderful husbands and sons out there who share all the responsibilities equally. And I respect them completely. I hope we get to see such men more often in our society.

And for those who shed their responsibilities, I hope someday you’ll understand.

Remember household chores is an equal responsibility irrespective of gender. Aim to be an amazing couple with a super amazing partnership.

Routine where wife solely is responsible for household chores

Routine where the couple is responsible for household chores

– Wife wakes up at 6.00 AM / Husband wakes up at 7.30 AM – Wife does all the household chores and leaves for office – Husband gets ready and leaves for office – Both arrive by 9.00 PM – Husband sits and relaxes – Wife freshen ups, looks after the dinner – Both have dinner – Husband continues relaxing by watching TV or playing games -Wife cleans the kitchen does all the remaining work & preparations for next day – Husband sleeps by 10.00 – 10.30 PM – Wife sleeps by 11.30 PM – 12.00 PM

– Both wake up at 6.00 AM – Share the workload and gets all the job done by 7.30 AM – Sit together and have breakfast and then leave for office. – Both arrive by 9.00 PM – Both sit and relax for 15 Min – Then they look after dinner like one takes plates, one heats the food etc. – They complete their dinner and get all the remaining chores done by sharing the same. – Takes a night walk for half an hour – Both sleep by 11.00 PM